I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
