Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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