If that was your dad, he is hot
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
