I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
