i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
