i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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