i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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