Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
