her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
