mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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