do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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