Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
