if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The feeling are messing with the penis
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
