Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
