At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
