Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
