To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
