And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
