I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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