A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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