im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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