i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
