Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
