Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
