my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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