drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
