I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
