He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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