Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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