I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
