I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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