What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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