Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
