just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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