HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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