Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
