I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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