i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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