oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
