I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
