She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
