ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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