Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
