i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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