Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
