you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
