I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
