if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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