a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
