i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
