i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize