I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
