I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
