Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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