It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
