Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
