And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
