he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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