FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
