roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
