she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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