For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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