but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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