That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize