it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
