Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize